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The Ballad of Gray Climax 4.0
(How I wrecked the hell out of my truck for the fourth time.)
By Damian Dunn

No drunkenness (1 beer - Hooters). I had to pee really, really bad (almost thought it would be in pants). So I parked on the street and jumped out of truck and ran to side of house. I thought I had put parking break down and car in gear. So there I am peeing on the side of the house, when the sky lights up and there is this loud cracking gunshot-like sound. All the lights on the street went out. I finished peeing and went to the driveway. TRUCK WAS GONE. "What the fuck," I thought. I thought maybe I had been abducted by aliens (sky lighting up and loud noise). I ran to street. I ran down the street. There was my truck sitting in the middle of the street like nothing had happened to it other than it being moved 100 yards down the street. I jumped in. Started it up. IT WORKED. It even drove. I took it around the block and up to QuickTrip. I probably should have left it at the scene, but my adrenaline was charging me up. Plus, I thought I had been abducted. It was all so weird. Checked the damage at QT. Everything looked ok. Driver's side headlight leaning strangely and a bing on the front bumper. So I drove back home. As I approached the end of the street I saw thousands of flashlights and people standing around. Then I noticed the electrical pole was split in half about 12 feet up and looked like it was about to fall over. I saw Sal and Bryan (roommates) standing with crowd of people holding baseball bats (they thought I'd been abducted by aliens). Rolled down window and told them I was going to park truck. Parked truck. Had a beer. Cops and Fire Department showed up. Walked down the street with cop explaining what had happened. That is when I pieced together that my truck side-swiped another car, hit a mailbox, and then to its final resting point about 10 feet in front of the electrical pole (it bounced after impact). I was issued a ticket for unattended motor vehicle and public peeing (just kidding on the latter). Had a shot of jack and went to bed in the dark.

End of story