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Lesson One
By Brad Kloth

2/12/2003 (Late as Heeeell)
The lesson I leaned tonight is that the biggest difference between my generation, those stuck between the uppity Gen-Xers (sorry, Wendy) and the lame as fuck (sorry, Mom), punk-ass (sorry, Laurel), Gen-Yers, and previous generations (parent's, grandparents, cavemen, etc.) is that we don't realize that sometimes "things take time."

I was looking in the freezer earlier tonight to see if I had left a beer in there, and I noticed all the great shit we had in there: Italian style chicken fingers, chicken and cheese taquitos, assorted packs of frozen vegetables, numerous packs of hot dogs, and on and on (cream cheese wontons, etc.). I was almost moved to tears by the sight of our freezer packed full of frozen (cold) goodies when suddenly it occurred to me how just a month ago our freezer seemed half as full and how for while after we first moved into this place the freezer seemed almost... barren (save the perpetual box of "sour" popsicles I had bought soon after settling in this abode). Quickly I realized that I similarly had just recently become happy with the fullness of our pantry, and it hit me: you can't except just to move into a home with a bare cupboard and expect to have it full overnight; these things take time!

Don't get me wrong, we had tried to make our cupboard an overnight success; I remember spending what seems now like millions of dollars (I think it was less) on so-called "staple" items to try to fill in those shelves that seemed to somehow posses an infinite amount of depth. (D=I2*g) But it took me nearly six months to figure out that delicate balance of staples, snacks, and shit you bought for some f'ed up reason (bulgar, mandarin oranges) that will sit there for nearly forever or until a bet arises that makes up a truly full cabinet. (Cat food in there, too.)

The freezer worked the same way, and when I saw that both it and the pantry had come to fruition, I suddenly realized just how much pressure I had been putting on myself all this time to fill those suckers up. A full cupboard equals a good home, and I (and my generation, I guess, because that is what this thing started about, right? (see Paragraph 1, Section VII)) am getting to that age where I am starting to fully realize that I am completely on my own here--therefore if I am to live in a nice home, I am to make it nice ALL BY MYSELF WITH NO HELP (AND/OR INTERFERENCE) FROM MY PARENTS. It never occurred to me that the home I had left when I went to college (full pantries, crammed freezer, jam-packed basement) had taken more than a decade (ten years) to fill. I thought--and expected--that I could re-create it in ten days.

But I guess this type of thing is to be expected. We are from the generation where you get pissed when a web page doesn't load in less than three seconds. (What the f, dude, imagine trying to explain that frustration to your grandpa!) McDonad's has had to make a 30-second guarantee. One-minute eggs, people, one-minute eggs! So how can we ever hope to understand the concept of things that can't be accomplished in seconds; if it will happen, we say, there's no reason it can't happen RIGHT NOW!!!

But I have to say, now that I have realized this, now that I have knocked the monkey of trying to do all of my growing up in one fell eight-second swoop, I am much happier.

I can just kick back and let life roll in.